Changed In A Moment

One day, last summer, during Annie's scratching, biting days, I said to myself and others, "I still don't know if she can stay yet," and she'd been with me 3 or 4 months!  I considered myself emotionally still unattached to her. Think about it....how do you love PAIN!  But one day that all changed.

I was sitting at my desk in my bedroom and taking items from my moving in boxes into the new desk my Dad had made me. Yeah....he made me a desk. It's is gift, carpentry/cabinet maker, and he shares it freely....when you are related to him. Annie was having a blast.  Jumping in and out of the boxes, flipping the empty ones on their sides as well as discovering the joy of deep desk drawers with the excitement of hiding in them.

Later, with my task completed I cut down the boxes and put them in the outside trash. I gave myself the enjoyment of one more look at each meticous, newly organized drawer and shut each one.  Then I sat down to celebrate my efforts with a cold iced tea.  After maybe ten minutes I realized I'd not seen Annie in awhile so I called out to her.  She usually comes bouncing to me even though she'd never let me hold her or pick her up.  But, this time, she didn't come. I left my chair and began what I did not know would be a one hour hunt for her.

I won't even detail my panicked efforts that finally found her. Actually, I'd given up....figured she'd left! But when I sat down to release my disappointment through sewing at my new desk she popped out of the drawer I opened ! Evidently there was enough space between the drawer and the back of the desk where she'd gotten stuck. Who knew? She was gone over an hour during my hunt.

But I learned something in that moment she reappeared.   I'd invested so much taking care of her and trying to love her, heck, trying to even like her. But I'd been lying to myself.  In the moment before she popped out, I'd got teary-eyed. I realized that despite being awakened with her chomping on my flesh in the night.... Who knew! I loved her.  I missed her even!  She had added a good measure of fun to my life with her antics.  I'd been distracted from my first financially challenged summer after teaching retirement by watching her silly play and taking photos and videos continuously.

You changed my reticent heart, Annie! Who knew?